dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
