no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
