If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
