I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
