stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
