I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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