Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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