I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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