Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
