thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
