he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
