thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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