he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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