I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
