Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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