Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
