how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
