these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
