u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
