i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
