Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
