The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
