smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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