i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
