What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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