The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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