How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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