He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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