Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
