Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
