Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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