He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Welp...herpes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
