all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drake has all the answers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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