You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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