i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
