I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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