So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
