Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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