I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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