just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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