do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
