they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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