he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
