She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
