I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
