Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
