I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
