how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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