went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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