Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
