I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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