Ketchup is God's man juice
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
