I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
